do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
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