I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
Randomize
