a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
Randomize
