I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
