he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
