Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
The way white people respond to them, you'd think Journey was the president of Caucasia.
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
Randomize
