I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
Randomize
