Cold hands, warm shart.
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
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