Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
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