I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
Randomize