I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
Randomize
