also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
office poll is still running 100% that Spencer Pratt is more disturbing than David Carradine's death
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
I just gift wrapped bread.
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
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