she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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