Quick, to the slutcave!
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
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