if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
Randomize
