K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
Randomize
