It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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