Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
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On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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