I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
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