I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
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