I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
