between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
