she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
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