If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
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