Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Randomize
