So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
I just found puke in my bra..
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
its liver damage thursday
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
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