she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
Randomize
