It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
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