alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
After tacos, we're chasing women.
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
Randomize
