We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
Tornado booty call.. dedication
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Randomize
