I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Randomize
