did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
Randomize
