I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
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