Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
And she was only 16?
You say that like it's a bad thing.
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
29 Cringeworthy Situations People Realized They Shouldn’t Be In
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
21 Times Karma Showed These People Not to Mess Around
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works