I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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