oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
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Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
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Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in