I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
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