I puked a lego.
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
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