just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
Yes, it's true. 4 fingers.
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
Randomize
