The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
Randomize
