Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
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No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
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you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
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