wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
Randomize
