I realized that I've made out with a different boy almost every time we've gone to mcgoreys....I don't need a boyfriend...I have that bar
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Randomize
