:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
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