Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
I need a burrito and a hug.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
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