It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
Randomize
