How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
Randomize
