I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
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'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
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Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
Idk if I want to put a bra on
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
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