i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
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