I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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