I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Randomize
