would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
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