My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
It's blow job season.
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
Randomize
