she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
Randomize
