omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
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