Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
