Do you think red sox nation has an official powerpoint template/memo format for resignations of manny support, bandwagon applications, and other official business?
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
Randomize
