Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
Randomize
