Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
I can feel your judgement through the phone
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
