I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
this must be what syphilis tastes like
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
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