you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
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