from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
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