I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
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