Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
Please, let me fuck your mom
I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
Randomize
