Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
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