While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
Randomize